Touch and Technology
Those that know me know that I tend to like technology. Gadgets and toys have fascinated me for quite some time andin the past I always wanted to have the latest smart phone, laptop, wireless products or hybrid car. My budget has limited my choices over the past few years and fortunately I can no longer keep up with all the new products. I say fortunately because I’ve learned to slow down and look at life differently, oh I still have a healthy curiosity about what’s new in the marketplace. But something has changed for me; I’ve started to notice what I’m missing when I’m distracted by technology.
I’m working on finding balance and perhaps letting go of those things I don’t need anymore and replacing it with a more personal approach to life like the power of “presence” and ”touch” when I’m with the important people in my life. One of the most cherished gifts we give each other is the honor of our presence, it means we care enough to pay attention and listen to what someone is saying to us.
Does this sound like simple common courtesy? Well, it is but it’s not so common anymore. As our world and the tools we use change so does our behavior, we are constantly interrupted by alerts and notifications to tell us we have an email, a text message, an appointment reminder or a phone call. Oh I can list all the features and more that are available on just cell phones now, taking pictures, videos and accessing the internet so we can communicate via facebook or my space to name just the minimum of applications. Having dinner with family and friends we rarely get anyone’s full attention anymore with iphones, blackberrys, ipads, notebooks or laptops being whipped out at the slightest whim and once one person is distracted it somehow gives permission for everyone to grab their cell phones or laptops to check their status.
Emerging technology is creating new issues for us as we think about how we communicate, somehow it’s easier to be abrupt or rude through emails or texting when we don’t have to sit across the table from our peers. There is also a willingness to share intimate information online without realizing the consequences of the world wide web.
As I visit with some of my senior clients and friends I’m reminded of how lonely some of them are for a few minutes of our time to sit and talk or to touch their hand. It’s true the power of touch and the power of being fully present for another human being is an amazing experience if we can put our gadgets down for a few minutes. I still remember one elderly woman telling me she yearned to be touched, she was talking about the intimacy of holding her hand.
Take notice this week of how often you take a deep breath and just relax into a conversation with family and friends. If you have an elderly friend or family member I invite you to take some time to practice being fully engaged with them.
Have a fabulous week!
Mary Chapa, RN
Do you have an aging parent that needs a little support, Eliza One provides nursing care coordination for busy adults. Like a daughter, sister, friend easing life transitions.
July 6, 2010
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Tags: aging parents, technology, Touch · Posted in: Life Lessons, Senior Caregiving
Mid-Life Aging… Gracefully
I’ve been reading a book called The Age of Miracles by Marianne Williamson and enjoying the conversation about mid-life and the aging process for the baby boomer generation. Having time to think during my rehabilitation the past several months has brought to mind decisions I wanted to put off for a few more years. Like what? Well thinking about giving up a house that has four levels for one thing, having a broken ankle and being restricted to the family room all winter was quite an eye opener.
The question arises, how do we age gracefully? What decisions do we make and when do we make them?
Somehow we all think we have “time” to make those tough decisions later, unfortunately I’ve witnessed both family and clients that struggle with these issues. I remember my father in law as being very organized about his aging, his chronic illness and his preparation for end of life. He was so prepared about his life ending that he made sure everyone in the family knew he had “taken care” of all those decisions about his funeral. I think his adult children were more uncomfortable with his straight forward conversations but we all appreciated his ability to make it easier for us at his death, we missed him but at least we didn’t have to wonder what he would have wanted.
I’ve watched others around me struggle to admit there are problems or unmet needs as they age and it can sometimes end up being a power struggle over lifestyle decisions. When to give up driving, when is it no longer safe to live at home alone, when do you need to involve a loved one in on your physician visits and medical information? I’ve learned there are no easy answers, each family is different and certainly each situation is unique. I wonder if it’s really OK to just allow for consequences to occur when our loved one’s simply want to be in control of their life decisions irregardless of what their family or children think.
This winter has been a time of reflection; as more of our family members and friends begin to retire it makes me wonder how this happened. Children are graduating, getting married, starting careers and families and sometimes we lose our loved ones too soon to death. I’ve decided I will age gracefully, with a sense of humor, curiousity and proud to continue to learn and experience what life unfolds. I will embrace my future looking forward to what I’ll accomplish in the best years ahead and if I can begin to make life decisions that make life easier for us why not?
I’m beginning to let go of “stuff” in preparation for a simpler life, unencumbered, recognizing the most important things in life are the people around me.
Blessings,
Mary
June 15, 2010
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Tags: Aging Gracefully, aging parents, loss, Senior Caregiving · Posted in: Uncategorized
In Honor of Veterans
- Dad WWII POW
It’s Memorial Day week end and I stopped by the florist yesterday to order a small wreath to place on my father’s grave at Fort Snelling Cemetery. Memorial Day is a special day of remembrance for our veterans and my Dad always made sure we understood the contributions of those who served because of his own military experience. In honor of veterans I want to share one of Dad’s stories from his video recordings of his WWII/POW experience.
“Well, I was born and raised on a farm in Texas, I joined the service (US ARMY) in 1941 just before the war started, I had my training in Texas. From Texas they were filling in right now and I wind up in Fort Bliss, Texas and they draft an outfit from the state of New Mexico, they were the National Guard and it was the Calvary mind you the Calvary and they made them the Coast Artillery so I filled in with all my outfit here in Texas you know, so with the state of New Mexico they formed the 200 Coast Artillery and we wind up on the Philippine Islands and there was no war then.
I was on Clark (air) field on the Philippine Islands when they (Japan) bombed Pearl Harbor, they bombed Pearl Harbor and then they bombed us a couple of days later. They devastated everything so we fought from day one, I think we fought for about 3-4 months and we lost all our supplies and everything then the Japanese came and took over.
And I was captured.
I put my time in the Bataan death march and worked in the Philippines for almost two years in the fields building this and building that and from there the Americans were coming in and taking over the Islands close by so they (Japanese soldiers) picked up the people they wanted and they took us to Japan. I went to work in the coalmines of Japan and I worked there in the mines until they dropped the (atomic) bomb, not very far from where I was staying.
I was in Fukuyoka the island and the bomb (Atomic bomb) was dropped on the next island the main island. Yes, it was the Atomic bomb but we didn’t know, we didn’t know what it was; for three years we were dead; we didn’t know what was going on. We were in the coal mines when they dropped the bomb and when we came out… the Japanese were going back and forth and we knew something was going on, something was wrong but we didn’t know what and then we found out we were Free! So now we were waiting for someone to come and get us.
When I left Japan, we were in camp (Fukuoka #17) with a lot of sick people and the planes would fly over and drop stuff down to us and that was the first news we got from them (Americans). They dropped food and messages to us and they told us to wait, they couldn’t come in because there were a lot of mine fields so they had to bring in a lot of minefield sweepers before they could come in and get a lot of the sick and wounded. We knew the Americans had built a small airfield close by but we didn’t know where it was and we didn’t have transportation available.
So we went wild you know and a bunch of guys a few at a time we escaped from the prison camp, but we didn’t really escape because we were Free. So one day, me and I think four guys we walked to town with some guns we took from the Japanese because they were afraid after the bomb was dropped. So we got on a train and we made a guy (Japanese) take us to where the airfield was, we had the guns and they were afraid and they didn’t know what was going on so we got on a train and then we stole a truck so we could get to the Americans.
We made the Japanese take us to the American air force base and they were afraid, I think they thought they were going to be killed but when we got close we told them to go. That’s when I saw the first Americans, we were a small group of just a few together and that’s how I got back to the states, step by step.”
For more information on WWII in the Pacific you may want to check out the following websites:
http://www.bcmfofnm.org/ http://www.lindavdahl.com/index.html
In honor of my father and all Veterans this week end and every day.
Corporal David Nunez Chapa * 11/2/1916 – 9/16/2008 * Sandia, Texas – Little Canada, MN
WWII 1941 – 1945 * Philippine Division 200th Coast Artillery * 1st Battalion “A Battery
Mary Chapa, daughter
May 29, 2010
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Tags: family, Memorial Day, POW, WWII Pacific · Posted in: Life Lessons
Nobody Cooks Anymore
I was driving by some restaurants when I heard my father’s voice, “Nobody Cooks Anymore,” that was one of his favorite sayings when we would go to a restaurant for a meal and a visit. For the last few years of his life our routine was to take Dad out for Sunday breakfast, we’d talk about the week or plan a trip to the doctor at the Veteran’s Hospital. Dad lived with my youngest sister and her family and they kept him pretty engaged in their busy social life but he loved to visit and get out of the house.
My father loved to comment on anything going on in the twin cities, he’d bring his favorite Pioneer Press newspaper and point out any article that related to our neighborhood or the companies we worked for. Dad would often comment on the local politics and colorful politicians stating his opinion about local happenings. He’d ask if we watched the news or read the paper and was always surprised and appropriately horrified if I said I didn’t watch the news the night before. I can picture him smiling and shaking his head as he’d proceed to fill us in on the latest story, he’d pass over the page from the newspaper to me and remind me to read the story.
The weather is nice and in the afternoon if I have some free time I remember the times I’d call him at the last minute and say “Dad, what are you doing — can you get away, let’s go out.” I miss being able to call him and run out for a late lunch or early dinner and a chance to catch up but I have lots of wonderful memories now that he’s gone. When I miss my father I take the opportunity to make those calls to other family members and friends to create new memories. Last night I made dinner for a friend, cooking outside on the grill smiling to myself as I thought of my Dad and noting that yes Dad some of us do still cook at home but any meal is tastier shared with family and friends.
Who do you know that would appreciate a call or visit?
Mary
May 26, 2010
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Tags: aging parents, family, friends · Posted in: Life Lessons
New Beginnings
Mary
May 14, 2010
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Tags: Author, Story telling, Writer · Posted in: Life Lessons
What I Learned for Sure
It’s hard to believe I’m finally up and getting around after a long winter with my ankle propped up on pillows, yes the fracture is healing nicely. Who would have thought it would take so long but I’m enjoying my physical therapy visits and even though I have good days and hard days I’m making progress. I’ve thought about what I’ve learned the past few months as I waited for the bones to mend and here’s a few things to think about.
- I learned to ask for help and accept it graciously
- I learned to appreciate my husband for being a thoughtful and loving caregiver
- I am reminded of all the fabulous family and friends I have who came to visit, listened patiently, cooked meals, brought gifts and especially for sharing a loving spirit
- I learned it’s hard to manage a wheelchair or walker out in public, especially when you need to open doors
- Most businesses DO NOT have push button handicap accessable systems, only malls and medical offices.
- I learned to adapt and accept my limitations although I wasn’t always gracious about it, a sense of humor helps
- I learned to be gentle with myself and to listen to my body when it needed rest
- I missed walking, the freedom of movement and just standing and stretching
- I learned to re-visit a sense of gratitude for what I did have and to look at “the glass half full”
- I have a deep sense of appreciation for my physical therapists who supported my rehabilitation journey and helped me celebrate all the little successes
- I’m grateful for the people who helped me process my challenging medical claims from Mexico
- I’m especially grateful for CSA Travel Protection, my first experience purchasing travel insurance paid off as I received a check for just under $20,000 to cover all my medical expenses from Mexico.
I know for sure I can survive a medical challenge so now that I’m recovering nicely my worst challenge is finding all my left shoes around the house!
Mary
May 1, 2010
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Tags: gratitude, rehabilitation, Senior Caregiving · Posted in: Healing
I Remember Susie
I’ve been re-reading the book by Thomas Ellis on This Thing Called Grief. I want to be prepared for the Anniversary of my sister Susie’s death, she died unexpectedly last April. During the past few weeks I’ve been thinking of my sister as I go about my daily routine, pictures and memories just seem to pop into my mind. Perhaps it’s because it’s spring and I’ve been outside every day just to feel the sun on my face and arms, it reminds me of childhood memories of spring. I’ve felt renewed as I watch people in the community starting to walk, jog, bike and work in their yards preparing the ground for fresh green growth.
I’ve been reminded of loss this past month as one of my dear friends wrote us about her brother’s illness, diagnosis, transfer to hospice and his passing last Friday. One of the quotes that comes to mind from the book I’m reading on grief is “Grief enters your life in quiet subtle ways or like a train running out of control.” My grief no longer feels out of control but rests as a quiet memory in the corner of my heart. The author Thomas Ellis shared that he has learned that “…we are all changed by grief, whether we express it or not,” I know I have been changed too.
I’m planning a ceremony to acknowledge the grief and loss of my loved ones and I hope to share the event with those that wish to acknowledge their own losses. I’ll do this because I still miss my sister, no one shares the same memories we had of play, family, life events or funny stories. It was my sister that gave me my family nick name of “Says” because she could not pronounce Elizabeth, my family called me by my middle name until as a toddler she renamed me “Says.”
I remember Susie….
Mary “Says” Chapa, RN CSA
Owner Eliza One, Inc.
March 30, 2010
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Tags: family, grief, loss · Posted in: Life Lessons, Uncategorized
Women to Watch
I’m poised for good news, I’m visualizing myself with an x-ray that shows good healing and my surgeon Dr. Kempcke telling me I can move to partial weight bearing – YES! Hold that thought for me as I wait for good news this week.
Speaking of good news I received very exciting news from my dear friend Sherry DeRosa, a cancer survivor, therapist, motivational speaker and a most talented woman recently interviewed by Fifty and Fabulous – because of course she is Fabulous. I’m attaching her link so you can meet my friend and I have to tell you she is a woman to watch! http://faboverfifty.com/interviews/551
Now that I think about it I’m surrounded by women that are in the prime of their lives, continuing to work, grow, learn and contribute to others.
My friend and business associate Lisa Hendrickson owner of Call That Girl Computer Repair was interviewed by WCCO TV last week regarding computer viruses. Lisa is no stranger to the local media, she’s known as a local social media expert and a savvy woman entrepreneur; she’s another woman to watch! http://www.callthatgirl.biz/
My good friend Kat Reed is a local author who recently published a much needed resource for those of us who have lost loved ones and struggled to organized the work to do when closing out their affairs. Kat wrote the book “Begin Here, helping survivors manage” you may have seen the featured artical in the Pioneer Press about Kat last month, her work focuses on the practical tasks that need to be managed after death. http://www.helpingsurvivorsmanage.com/about
I continue to network with new people especially women that risk it all as they evaluate their contributions to the larger community and create their own small businesses. Often my women friends have left successful careers to find their own voice moving from daughter, mother, friend and professional to writer, speaker, coach and caregiver. My new friend Carolyn Carlson is another such women to watch as she begins her work as a writer, poised to be a published author. http://carolyncarlson.wordpress.com/about/
I’m surrounded by beautiful and talented women; my sisters, aunts, neices and especially by my close girlfriends, we share dreams, values, careers. We are moved by sharing our personal stories of joy and sorrow, I think we are all Fabulous Women to Watch!
Mary Chapa, RN, CSA, President
Eliza One, Inc.
March 1, 2010
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Tags: friends, personal growth, Women · Posted in: Senior Caregiving
Wheelchair Awareness
Well it’s been a long winter and February is the month we normally go to our timeshare in Cancun and Playa Del Carmen to enjoy the ocean and sunshine. It’s always nice to break up the long Minnesota winter but this year we won’t be going because I’m still home mending from my broken ankle and two surgeries. I’m still non-weight bearing so hopping along with my walker or if I’m out and about I use a wheelchair for safety. I’m tired of sitting, tired of television, tired of working on the computer and I long to stand up, stretch and walk normally. Who would have thought I’d be grateful for standing or walking? My muscles ache and it feels like my body is out of alignment for leaning to one side and balancing on one leg or trying to distribute my weight because of a cast, splint or boot.
I’ve tried getting out of the house more but then I need to use a wheelchair and I’ve noticed or rather I’ve been surprised at what “is” and what “is not” handicap accessible. Most buildings do NOT have a handicap entrance or automatic door opener so I sometimes wait for the kindness of strangers. My sister in law pointed out when we were in the rest room that while I could reach the sink and hand dryer from the wheel chair the soap was up too high for me to reach.
I notice that using a wheelchair in the snow and ice is safer but really messy; snow gets caught in the wheelchair and transfers onto my coat sleeve and clothes. It’s clumsy and messy to fold up the chair and load and unload it into the car each time we make a stop. You tend to leave puddles when you get inside of buildings or homes and walkers get slippery if the rubber tips or wheels get wet.
I’m glad I have the tools I have to get about but I’m more aware that I have to be the one to look out for other people so they don’t run into me or trip over my feet. My dear sister in law wanted to take me out to lunch and shopping and we laughed at her clumsiness trying to drive me around in a wheelchair, course that was when she wasn’t banging my feet into elevator walls or tipping the wheelchair when we hit cement bumps in the sidewalk. Anyway I made it safely there and back, we both enjoyed the day away and my husband got a chance to take a break and go Ice Fishing with his nephew which is important for those that have Caregiver duties.
I’m still bored but I am truly grateful that I am loved and I have options that keep me going and keep me positive. Next time you are out shopping be aware of those in wheel chairs they might need your help to open a door or to reach something, they just might be out trying to get rid of some Cabin Fever.
Mary
February 20, 2010
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Posted in: Uncategorized
A Caregiver Learns to Receive Love
I’ve finally been to the store to buy Thank You cards to send to those that have generously supported us through my long healing process. I feel like I’ve said “Thank You” so many times and yet it seems inadequate. I was writing a note to a stranger who had sent me a card and gift, I told her how blessed I felt to have so many people support me through this process and that I feel like I have not gone without having my needs met. I have received cards, flowers, gifts, checks, meals, pictures, jokes, phone calls, housekeeping, books, visits, laughter, understanding, prayers and stimulating conversation to distract me. I’ve had cards sent to me from strangers, my friend Susan sent out a call for well wishers and they responded with enthusiasm and compassion.
I wrote to this stranger to say that as the oldest daughter, sister and good friend I was usually the one people called to take charge; the one who took care of everything and sometimes it felt like everybody. I realized that for much of my life I’ve been a caregiver or manager at work and now I’m learning “patience” but most of all I’m learning to be on the receiving end of being cared for. My husband has learned to cook, clean and generally to be “in charge” of the house since I’ve been unable to ambulate for two and a half almost 3 months now. My family and friends have graciously given their time over and over again and lately we’ve had more visitors in the past couple of months than we’ve had in the past couple of years. My friend Sherry drove from Eau Claire, Wisconsin to bring soup, gifts and to visit with me for an hour or two before turning around and driving back home.
I’ve had too many blessings and people to list and the feelings that come up for me are many as I’m running out of ways to say Thank you to those I love. My lesson learned is “how to receive love” and I think that’s an appropriate lesson for this week when I will celebrate Valentines day and my wedding anniversary of 34 years. That’s not a bad lesson to learn; Patience and how to receive Love.
Happy Anniversary to my husband Ray who demonstrates Love and compassion to me on a daily basis.
Mary
February 9, 2010
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Tags: gratitude, love · Posted in: Life Lessons
Mary Chapa is a multi-talented woman with a background in nursing management, sales and marketing in both healthcare and private industry. Mary is also a writer, storyteller and holistic health practitioner living in Minnesota.
