Caring for our Aging Parents
As I read the email from my dear friend in Canada I wish I was there in person to support her as I tell her we’ve all had experience with helping our parents through illness, transition and even endings. I tell her it doesn’t matter that we are nurses or that we have experience in healthcare or working with elders because this is about our “heart.” We are at that point in our lives where we are concerned about our parent’s health, their ability to recover from illness or the fact that they need different living arrangements. It doesn’t necessarily happen all at once, it may happen gradually and all of a sudden you worry about leaving them alone, question their driving ability, their medications and whether they are taking them correctly and what did the doctor really tell them on the last visit. We wonder if and when we should inject ourselves into their lives and wrestle with the desire to respect their freedom and concern for their safety as well as the safety of others.
I know everything will all work out as well as can be expected because I have every confidence in my friend’s heart skills as a daughter and certainly her intellect and experience no matter what the health care system or family throws at her. I was reflecting this week that in reality my Dad and my Mother had their own small home care & hospice agency, they had 4 daughters that lived nearby and we all had the same shared goal to take care of my parents at home as long as we were able. I think what helped my family and I came up with the following:
· We agreed on the goal or outcome to care for our parents at home for as long as possible
· We agreed on a leader; in my family I was the oldest and a nurse with background in elder care so I had that roll
· We were all willing to do our part, I used to think this was normal but I now realize it sadly is not.
Families don’t have to be perfect but you need some semblance of agreement and shared goals to care for parents and loved ones. I was lucky to have family, some of you are alone and that means leaning into elder care resources, you may not be able to do it all alone.
To my friend Joanne and to all of you caring for parents or loved ones I wish for you a good night’s rest, good nutrition, quiet time to pray or meditate, a little exercise and the ability to let go and allow others to step in or take care of you or take over. Sometimes it’s OK to let go of outcome and just know we’ve done our best.
I love you my friend, you are in my thoughts.
Mary
August 24, 2009
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Mary · 
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Tags: aging parents, eldercare, family, healthcare, loss, transition · Posted in: Healing
Mary Chapa is a multi-talented woman with a background in nursing management, sales and marketing in both healthcare and private industry. Mary is also a writer, storyteller and holistic health practitioner living in Minnesota.
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