Begin Here “Helping Survivors Manage”

Posted by Mary on January 6, 2010

Healing is hard work, it may not seem so but it is.  I’ve been home bound as I wait for my broken ankle to heal and for me the hard part is learning to be patient.   You’ll understand my disappointment when I say I got a call from my doctor this week  to tell me the new x-ray shows the bones are misaligned and she is recommending another surgery, gosh just when I was feeling like I was closing in on the finish line.                  

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It’s hard not to feel sorry for myself but when I think of how others manage more serious grief I know there are things worse than sitting at home with my leg up on a pillow.   I recall the pain and grief earlier this year when we lost my sister unexpectedly and I struggled to find a way to organize the closing of her affairs through my pain of loss.  That was when I met my friend Kat Reed who shared my experiences of loss and frustration at the lack of resources to help organize our loved one’s affairs.

We discussed how we created lists and spread sheets for all the action items that needed to be done and I was thrilled to find Kat went a lot farther than I did, she decided to write a book so others would have the benefit of her work.  Kat and I talked about how her book would help provide a template for others and with the work I do supporting adult children and their aging parents there might be ways we can partner to speak to interested groups and organizations about loss and how to put one foot in front of the other at end of life.

I was absolutely delighted to see that that the Pioneer Press did an article about Kat and the release of her book which I is a gift to those that are facing a loss and don’t know where to start; it’s also a tremendous resource for those of us working with clients and families at end of life.  Many of us ask and wonder how we can help our family and friends during a time of grief and I think Kat’s book gives us some real actionable items and a better understanding of the work involved during a difficult time.

I am pleased to recommend the book “Begin Here, Helping Survivors Manage” by my friend Kat Reed.  I’m including the link to the article in Sunday’s paper and a link to Kat’s website if you are interested in purchasing her book. 

http://www.twincities.com/ci_14103540?IADID=Search-www.twincities.com-www.twincities.com

www.HelpingSurvivorsManage.com

 As I sit here with my leg up on pillows and contemplate starting over again with another surgery I say a prayer of thanks to my sisters and dear friends who have supported me with the gift of friendship during this tiny detour in my road to healing.  They remind me that I am not alone, I am blessed and I have a brand new year to celebrate.

Wishing you all a Happy New Year!

Mary

Caring for our Aging Parents

Posted by Mary on August 24, 2009

As I read the email from my dear friend in Canada I wish I was there in person to support her as I tell her we’ve all had experience with helping our parents through illness, transition and even endings.   I tell her it doesn’t matter that we are nurses or that we have experience in healthcare or working with elders because this is about our “heart.”  We are at that point in our lives where we are concerned about our parent’s health, their ability to recover from illness or the fact that they need different living arrangements.  It doesn’t necessarily happen all at once, it may happen gradually and all of a sudden you worry about leaving them alone, question their driving ability, their medications and whether they are taking them correctly and what did the doctor really tell them on the last visit.  We wonder if and when we should inject ourselves into their lives and wrestle with the desire to respect their freedom and concern for their safety as well as the safety of others.

I know everything will all work out as well as can be expected because I have every confidence in my friend’s heart skills as a daughter and certainly her intellect and experience no matter what the health care system or family throws at her.  I was reflecting this week that in reality my Dad and my Mother had their own small home care & hospice agency, they had 4 daughters that lived nearby and we all had the same shared goal to take care of my parents at home as long as we were able.  I think what helped my family and I came up with the following:

·         We agreed on the goal or outcome to care for our parents at home for as long as possible

·         We agreed on a leader; in my family I was the oldest and a nurse with background in elder care so I had that roll

·         We were all willing to do our part, I used to think this was normal but I now realize it sadly is not. 

Families don’t have to be perfect but you need some semblance of agreement and shared goals to care for parents and loved ones.  I was lucky to have family, some of you are alone and that means leaning into elder care resources, you may not be able to do it all alone.

To my friend Joanne and to all of you caring for parents  or loved ones I wish for you a good night’s rest, good nutrition, quiet time to pray or meditate, a little exercise and the ability to let go and allow others to step in or take care of you or take over.  Sometimes it’s OK to let go of outcome and just know we’ve done our best.

I love you my friend, you are in my thoughts.

Mary