Posted by Mary on February 9, 2010
I’ve finally been to the store to buy Thank You cards to send to those that have generously supported us through my long healing process. I feel like I’ve said “Thank You” so many times and yet it seems inadequate. I was writing a note to a stranger who had sent me a card and gift, I told her how blessed I felt to have so many people support me through this process and that I feel like I have not gone without having my needs met. I have received cards, flowers, gifts, checks, meals, pictures, jokes, phone calls, housekeeping, books, visits, laughter, understanding, prayers and stimulating conversation to distract me. I’ve had cards sent to me from strangers, my friend Susan sent out a call for well wishers and they responded with enthusiasm and compassion.
I wrote to this stranger to say that as the oldest daughter, sister and good friend I was usually the one people called to take charge; the one who took care of everything and sometimes it felt like everybody. I realized that for much of my life I’ve been a caregiver or manager at work and now I’m learning “patience” but most of all I’m learning to be on the receiving end of being cared for. My husband has learned to cook, clean and generally to be “in charge” of the house since I’ve been unable to ambulate for two and a half almost 3 months now. My family and friends have graciously given their time over and over again and lately we’ve had more visitors in the past couple of months than we’ve had in the past couple of years. My friend Sherry drove from Eau Claire, Wisconsin to bring soup, gifts and to visit with me for an hour or two before turning around and driving back home.
I’ve had too many blessings and people to list and the feelings that come up for me are many as I’m running out of ways to say Thank you to those I love. My lesson learned is “how to receive love” and I think that’s an appropriate lesson for this week when I will celebrate Valentines day and my wedding anniversary of 34 years. That’s not a bad lesson to learn; Patience and how to receive Love.
Happy Anniversary to my husband Ray who demonstrates Love and compassion to me on a daily basis.
Mary
Posted by Mary on December 1, 2009
This Friday will be three weeks since I had emergency surgery in Puerto Vallarta to repair a compound fracture of my left ankle. I’m home recouperating now and this week I will re-visit my Orthopedic surgeon again, I’m hoping the sutures will be removed and a more rigid cast applied so I can drastically improve my ability to get around. Right now I’m limited to my family room, unfortunately my “good” leg has a torn meniscus so until I learn to levitate I’m really challenged.
If you received my newsletter you know I am willing to share some of my experiences about travel and healthcare.
- All my medical documents are in Spanish and in order to file a claim with my insurance company they need to be translated by a “certified” agency; I have a quote of $775.00 to translate all documents including several pages of the itemized hospital bill.
- The Travel Insurance will expect me/you to file a claim with your own personal insurance company “first” and be denied before they will review and decide on your claim for reimbursement.
- When you are traveling and if you should need medical attention you will need cash and you will need to be able to pay for your care using one or more credit cards, insurance reimbursement is your responsibility so be sure to retain all your records and receipts.
- Hopefully you have called your own insurance company before you leave the country to inquire about your coverage and policy limits.
- When traveling it is always important to notify your credit card company. If you need medical care and it’s expensive you will most likely need to use your credit cards to cover the cost of your care.
- Keep in mind if you need care outside the US you are most likely using providers that are “Out of Network” which means your coverage definitions vary so be sure to ask questions, your deductable might be twice what you thought it was (mine is).
- When you are ill or in need of care I strongly recommend you have an advocate or witness to be with you because you may not be able to focus or remember everything if you are uncomfortable, stressed or in pain.
- Fear, Anger and frustration will not help your healing process when you are hospitalized nor will it help you gain support as you work through the bureaacratic financial or insurance claims requirements.
- As you begin to make the phone calls for both follow up care and starting the claims process be patient and kind, ask questions so people can and will help you through the process.
Take a deep breath and focus on the real priority and that means healing and getting well, take time to rest, eat well and just let others help you whether it’s bringing a meal or just stopping by to cheer you. Take a day at a time and believe that there are hidden blessings in this life event. I’ve always been the big sister, the boss, the one in charge of coordinating eveything and making decisions, this time my loved ones are in charge and I’m in their very capable hands. Truely something to be Thankful for.
Blessings,
Mary
Posted by Mary on November 25, 2009
We arrived home from our little vacation in Mexico on Sunday November 15th but the trip wasn’t quite what we had planned and as they say “life is what happens when you are busy making plans.” During our lovely stay in Sayulita Mexico I fell and severely fractured my left ankle. After having surgery in a Mexican Hospital I returned home and as my friend Starr mentioned being handicapped is indeed a humbling experience and I have to agree. As I managed my emotions and limitations the past few days I realized for me there has to be a grieving process to acknowledge my loss of independence.
Some of the things I’ve experienced:
* I’m aware of what is handicap accessible and what is not when traveling
* Airport travel for the handicapped could really use some Quality Improvement
* I notice that people rarely pay attention to people in wheelchairs it’s like being invisible
* Getting in and out of cars is challenging and the use of Medi-Vans can be very costly
* Being limited to one room on the main level of my home is almost suffocating
* I miss sleeping in my own bed, it’s on another level of the house
* I am unable to drive of course and driving is a true symbol of independence
* Getting ready in the morning and taking a shower becomes a major activity
* I’m not able to work which compromises finances
* All my medical documentation is in Spanish and needs translation for insurance claims
* Feeling out of the loop; you become very aware of who has compassion and who stays connected
The most important thing I’ve learned these past few days is that I’m responsible for managing my healing, my own happiness but Compassion is always in style. In my next posting I will share more of my experiences with Travel, Insurance and medical care, what has worked for me and what was a total surprise.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Mary
I’d like to recommend Lakes Medi-Van, Inc. serving MN, their toll free number is (800) 422 – 0976 our driver Lars made my first experience a very pleasant one - Thanks Lars!
Posted by Mary on September 29, 2009
I love the change of seasons in Minnesota and fall is a favorite time of year; this week I have my annual Fall Women’s Retreat with my best friends. As the saying goes we’ve laughed a lot, cried a little and shared our love of books and learning. This long week end is an opportunity to “reconnect, refine and renew” our friendship at a cabin (actually a house) in the northern woods; I like to think of it as a long overdue pajama party. We’ve shared stories about career, relationships (mostly good), travel and supporting our aging parents through good or bad health until end of life and we’ve held each other tight through grief and loss.
This season I will experience the coming holidays without my parents and without my sister Faye but I will joyously celebrate the family I have with heartfelt gratitude, both my birth family and my family of friends. This fall as you think about sharing the holiday with family and friends if you have elderly parents or loved ones that will travel by air to celebrate together give some thought to safe travel. This week as I send my newsletter out with a checklist on safe travel for seniors I’m hoping the information will be helpful to you. If you have not received my newsletter and you’d like a copy please sign-up on my homepage or feel free to contact me for a copy.
Tip for the week: My medical provider is Health Partners and they have a Travel Clinic that I have found to be a fabulous resource, while I sing their praises I note one can be overwhelmed by information but I absolutely appreciate this new specialty, please use their expertise if you will be traveling out of the country. http://www.healthpartners.com/portal/286.html
Enjoy the fall colors, the fall weather and a good bonfire with friends, I will be doing the same this weekend!
Mary
Posted by Mary on August 10, 2009
Rae Celebrating Life
My friend Nancy sent me a photo and letter from her mother Rae who will be celebrating a birthday on Friday, August 14th; she will be 99 years young. Rae wrote a letter to friends and family in July and I’m including her thoughts on life and turning 99 years old. “If you’d like to send Rae a birthday wish I’ve included her address below.”
Dear Friends and Family,
It’s been quite some time since I’ve written so thought I’d drop a quick line to update you on the latest scoop!
I’m now living at Heritage Park, a senior living healthcare facility in Bradenton, FL. Although life is challenging withmy poor eyesight, they certainly keep me busy here withthe various activities that I attend throughout the day. On weekends, Sue and/or Nancy and I get a chance to visit and go out to lunch. My favorite place to go is Cracker Barrel for pecan pancakes with maple syrup and a side of bacon… perhaps not the healthiest thing to eat, but at 98 years old, who the heck cares?
With my 99th birthday coming up in August, I find myself reflecting on the events that occurred during my life.
When I was born,
- William Taft was President.
- Einstein developed his Theory of Relativity when I was 5.
- I was 10 when women received the right to vote.
- Lindbergh did the first trans-Atlantic flight when I was 17
- Television came on the scene when I was 18.
- Prohibition was going on between ages 8 through 23 (thank goodness that ended because I do appreciate a good martini)!
- I’ve outlived Mother Teresa (also born in 1910) by 12 years.
Well, that’s it for now, I would love to hear from you!
Love,
Rae Gaida
202 Sherwood Drive
Bradenton, FL 34210-4516
Rae lived and worked in Duluth, MN as a school teacher, an executive secretary and later managed the credit department of Harcourt Brace publishing company. She has two adult daughters Sue and Nancy and two grandchildren; Michael is in the Air Force and plans to be married to Shannon Kelly next June and granddaughter Trisha will be moving from Seattle to Minnesota to finish her degree in environmental sciences at Bemidji State University
Happy Birthday Rae!
Love,
Mary
Posted by Mary on June 30, 2009
Mom - An Independent Woman
One of my mother’s key values was the importance of “Choice,” her underlying principal was for women to be independent, strong and employed. “It’s important to work hard and get an education” she said, typical values growing up in Minnesota during the 1950’s and 60’s. I lived my life believing this until I became a Director several times over and learned that budget cuts are painful choices and that we let people go even though they had an education and worked hard. It’s been two years since I “chose” to leave my corporate job and reinvent myself, I’ve moved away from health care management and sales management in private industry back to healthcare but from a holistic health and wellness perspective.
I’ve made lots of choices, trying on different ideas based on a holistic perspective and building from my healing practice foundation. I’ve experimented the past two years thinking through what type of business I wanted to create until something became clear and the clarity came through personal discomfort. What are my strengths, what work is satisfying and can I evolve the business into an eventual retirement practice?
After my father died last fall I realized I used my nursing skills to manage his medical care over several years, I did the same when my mother died from cancer and subsequently other family members requested my support. When my sister died recently I organized the work that needed to be done with my remaining sisters, closing out all her final affairs. Having assisted with end of life activities for both parents and a younger sister I learned a lot through very different experiences and it became clear that being a daughter, sister and friend with a health and healing background could be helpful to others.
Some choices are obvious and other opportunities come to us unlooked for but life is an interesting journey and I have a myriad of choices. I consider myself a strong independent woman, I learned from my Mother.
Mary
Posted by Mary on April 25, 2009
My sister Faye’s funeral is over and as we’re picking up the pieces of our lives it almost feels like we’re sleep walking, hoping to wake up and know that this was all a dream and Susie is home from her vacation in Cancun. In the mist of our sorrow my sisters and I talk about how we just burst into tears when we remember she’s gone, it’s still a shock and the hole in our hearts a very raw wound.
As the big sister I’ve organized the work to be done like a project, creating a spreadsheet with all the information, action items and duties to be performed. I did the research on the legal financial responsibilities and spoke to the appropriate authorities as I determine the paperwork that needs to be filed to close out her affairs. We’ve visited her apartment, it’s hard to visit her home and be assaulted by all the memories but somehow I keep pushing us to move forward one step at a time.
I had a task on my to-do list to talk to my sister’s primary care physician about her heart attack and why everyone missed the signs – this took us all by surprise. I spoke to her doctor Thursday afternoon and he was saddened to hear of her sudden death. We reviewed and discussed her medical history, past vital signs and lab work but found no indication of an impending cardiovascular problem, and her blood pressure and cholesterol were consistently good. Faye worried a bit about her weight but she felt lucky that she didn’t have hypertension or any of the early signs that my brother and I have (we take after my father’s side of the family). I asked the doctor how we could have missed this, I know I should know better than to second guess what happened but I couldn’t help myself I just wished I could have my sister back.
My friend Mary is walking today for the American Heart Association, she said she will do this in memory of my sister Faye “Susie” Chapa. I’m including the website for the American Heart Association and the Women Heart organization websites because they have a lot of good information on Women and Heart Disease
http://www.womenheart.org/
http://www.americanheart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=2859
Coming from the healthcare industry we think we know everything but I now have my work cut out for me as I look at my own health risk. I’ll be visiting these websites often as I construct an action plan for myself so I don’t leave loved ones wondering “why or what if?”
Choosing Life,
Mary
Posted by Mary on April 19, 2009
I’m creating notes about my sister Faye for her pastor as he prepares consoling words for her funeral service on Monday. Later today we will gather with family and friends for her visitation. I’ve started with just the facts, when and where she was born and a list of family members, where she went to school and her career. The hard part is I’m trying to describe who she was or at least how I remember her as I’m big sister.
I was reflecting on how we were so opposite in many ways, she had this big smile that made her approachable and it showed in the number of friends she attracted. She nurtured and protected relationships like they were gold and I remember teasing her because she said she made friends while riding the bus to work, she called them her bus buddies. Where my sister was more of an extrovert and a very social person I am more introverted and serious, always with my head in a book (or computer). It occurred to me today as I thought about our differences that while I lived in my head my sister lived from her Heart.
My mother would be so proud of Susie, she was such an example of good manners and etiquette. She still does all the things she was taught, she was never a rebellious teenager. When I go to her apartment I see her bed is made and everything is neat and orderly, color and memories fill her home with pictures of loved ones the ocean and sea shells everywhere. When we have family gatherings she’s the first to offer to bring a dish and after dinner she’s not sitting in the living room becaue she’s in the kitchen washing dishes for whoever made the meal. She still says please and never forgets to say thank you, she offers you gas money if you give her a ride and always pays her debts no matter how long it takes. She brought cards frequently to remember birthdays and special events and never forgets what’s special to you.
I’m not sure what I’ll do without my sister, I was always taking classes or learning something new and when I’d forget old stories or people I’d ask Susie, I told her once she was my memory. We’d laugh too because when she would answer any question about a past family story she would tell us what the weather was like and what we were wearing. I won’t won’t be able to ask her to remind me about our past anymore.
My sister lived from her Heart,
Mary
Posted by Mary on April 14, 2009
One of my friends taught me about practicing Gratitude a few years ago and introduced me to the Gratitude Journal as part of a women’s retreat. It was a new experience for me to write down what seemed obvious to me but after practicing for a while I’ve learned how much we take stuff for granted, especially the loved ones in our lives. Last year around this time I lost a friend to suicide and last fall my father died at 91 years old, and my life lesson was to appreciate and be grateful for all those opportunities to just BE with family and friends.
Yesterday I got a message telling me my sister Susie was not feeling well, I was surprised as she just left for vacation in Cancun with my sister Lisa and her family. There’s a feeling of helplessness when your loved ones are far away and no matter how much I want to be the Big Sister and fix everything I can’t always reach. As we spoke on the phone I felt the frustration of trying to figure out how to manage a medical assessment without all the information needed to make a difference. Later that evening I happened to get an email from a friend who happened to be vacationing in Cancun. Spirit must have led my friend to send an email reminding me she was in Mexico and all I had to do was pass on the information between my dear friend and my family. I felt an overwhelming sense of joy, hope and gratitude!
At 4:53 AM I got a text from my 13 year old niece to tell me my sister Susie collapsed and they had called an ambulance to the resort. I called my friend and she already spoke to my family and she was on her way to the resort. I received a chilling text from my little niece who said “they said she’s not alive,” and then my phone rang. My sister Faye Suzanne who we always called Susie had died unexpectedly, a year younger than me and my complete opposite. As years of family memories flooded my brain I whispered “I hold you close in my Heart Susie.”
So my dear friend Sue this post is for you, your husband and his parents are my shining example of gratitude for today, for standing in my place and being a loving compassionate sister to my family while they are a long way from home. Bless you.
In Gratitude and Friendship,
Mary
Posted by Mary on April 2, 2009
I dropped my little dog off to be groomed today for the first time, some of you are aware that I took in a rescue poodle, a tiny toy male at 3.6 lbs. We’ve had him for a month now and it’s been a wonderful addition to our family, I’d forgotten the unconditional love you get from a small pet. It’s been a joy to have this lively little dog in our lives as we care for him, play with him and watch him make us laugh. We’ve also had the unexpected joy of running to the emergency Vet Clinic after hours and adding extra Dr. exams as we “remember” what it’s like to be responsible for a tiny little life but it’s worth it, the joy, the laughter and the sense of wonder at life’s blessings.
It helps me to remember life’s gifts in the mist of my own personal disappointments. As I listen to the news or hear personal stories from friends and family as they try to balance and make sense out of difficult situations, job loss, putting homes up for sale, spending down retirement funds and just trying to make ends meet I’m too embarrassed to acknowledge any personal defeats. Everyone else has burdens that somehow seem bigger than mine and I’m constantly reminded as someone tentatively asks for my help with some personal matter, how can I say “No?” At times like these I think about my Dad, I miss him on Sundays when my husband and I took him out for breakfast, he liked to go early before the fancy Sunday brunch crowd. My Dad loved to laugh, he was a WWII veteran, a POW for over 3 years and survived the Bataan Death March, when I think of the stories he shared over the years and the joy for life that he had it’s hard to feel sorry for myself. Dad was a “pick yourself up by your bootstraps” kind of guy; when he died last September we had lots of wonderful memories, he left a lot of friends and family behind. Dad always believed in Hope – that there was always something better just waiting for you around the corner and if you worked hard enough it would all pay off.
So for today Dad, I’m going to think about my small disappointment as a place holder, creating space for something more wonderful that’s just around the corner. What about you, are you looking at what space is opening up for you in your life and what that means? I got an email from a friend this morning that said due to the economy they are putting their home in Florida up for sale and moving back to Minnesota and my response was a resounding “HURRAH!” Well, Hurrah for me and my friends as we open our arms to welcome her back to our loving fold no matter what the reason.
Eternally Optimistic,
Mary
