Posted by Mary on February 9, 2010
I’ve finally been to the store to buy Thank You cards to send to those that have generously supported us through my long healing process. I feel like I’ve said “Thank You” so many times and yet it seems inadequate. I was writing a note to a stranger who had sent me a card and gift, I told her how blessed I felt to have so many people support me through this process and that I feel like I have not gone without having my needs met. I have received cards, flowers, gifts, checks, meals, pictures, jokes, phone calls, housekeeping, books, visits, laughter, understanding, prayers and stimulating conversation to distract me. I’ve had cards sent to me from strangers, my friend Susan sent out a call for well wishers and they responded with enthusiasm and compassion.
I wrote to this stranger to say that as the oldest daughter, sister and good friend I was usually the one people called to take charge; the one who took care of everything and sometimes it felt like everybody. I realized that for much of my life I’ve been a caregiver or manager at work and now I’m learning “patience” but most of all I’m learning to be on the receiving end of being cared for. My husband has learned to cook, clean and generally to be “in charge” of the house since I’ve been unable to ambulate for two and a half almost 3 months now. My family and friends have graciously given their time over and over again and lately we’ve had more visitors in the past couple of months than we’ve had in the past couple of years. My friend Sherry drove from Eau Claire, Wisconsin to bring soup, gifts and to visit with me for an hour or two before turning around and driving back home.
I’ve had too many blessings and people to list and the feelings that come up for me are many as I’m running out of ways to say Thank you to those I love. My lesson learned is “how to receive love” and I think that’s an appropriate lesson for this week when I will celebrate Valentines day and my wedding anniversary of 34 years. That’s not a bad lesson to learn; Patience and how to receive Love.
Happy Anniversary to my husband Ray who demonstrates Love and compassion to me on a daily basis.
Mary
Subscribe to blog posts by Email
Posted by Mary on December 19, 2009
![tree01[1]](http://www.elizaoneinc.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/tree011.gif "tree01[1]")
Taking time to heal these past few weeks has been a gift; I’ve realized how many caring family and friends I have. I’m grateful for all those that have continued to take time these past five weeks (yes it’s been five weeks already) to call, send notes, bring food and gifts or just stop by to visit during this very busy time of year. I’m grateful for the real gift of true compassion, generous and compassionate family and friends.
I took time this week to send Christmas cards and I wanted to write a special note to those that are facing a loss for the first time. I remember last year facing the holidays without my father and this year instead of feeling like we got past that first year without Dad we are facing our first year without my sister Susie. I’m thinking of my sister in laws who are also facing the holidays with a significant loss this year; my sister in law Judy lost her father last month and my sister in law Sandy lost another sister to Breast Cancer. Both these families like mine will sit at the table or around the holiday tree with loved ones this year and feel the loss of a loved one.
It seems like little consolation to say I know how you feel so I look for my own ways to celebrate life and as I’ve told family and friends I work hard at “choosing happiness.” I believe we have a choice at some point in our grieving process to begin the journey back from sadness to joy, easier said than done but I believe that’s what my Dad and sister would want for me.
I seek creative ways to remember my loved ones though shared stories, pictures, memories, ritual and laughter. I recently had an opportunity to contribute a story about my Dad for a recent publication and I am thrilled to say it was accepted, now I look for more ways to share meaningful memories with others. My hope for all of you is to find a way to remember your missing loved ones through shared stories and hopefully you will be able to find your way back to joy and laughter again.
Warm Holiday Wishes
Mary
Subscribe to blog posts by Email
Posted by Mary on September 29, 2009
I love the change of seasons in Minnesota and fall is a favorite time of year; this week I have my annual Fall Women’s Retreat with my best friends. As the saying goes we’ve laughed a lot, cried a little and shared our love of books and learning. This long week end is an opportunity to “reconnect, refine and renew” our friendship at a cabin (actually a house) in the northern woods; I like to think of it as a long overdue pajama party. We’ve shared stories about career, relationships (mostly good), travel and supporting our aging parents through good or bad health until end of life and we’ve held each other tight through grief and loss.
This season I will experience the coming holidays without my parents and without my sister Faye but I will joyously celebrate the family I have with heartfelt gratitude, both my birth family and my family of friends. This fall as you think about sharing the holiday with family and friends if you have elderly parents or loved ones that will travel by air to celebrate together give some thought to safe travel. This week as I send my newsletter out with a checklist on safe travel for seniors I’m hoping the information will be helpful to you. If you have not received my newsletter and you’d like a copy please sign-up on my homepage or feel free to contact me for a copy.
Tip for the week: My medical provider is Health Partners and they have a Travel Clinic that I have found to be a fabulous resource, while I sing their praises I note one can be overwhelmed by information but I absolutely appreciate this new specialty, please use their expertise if you will be traveling out of the country. http://www.healthpartners.com/portal/286.html
Enjoy the fall colors, the fall weather and a good bonfire with friends, I will be doing the same this weekend!
Mary
Subscribe to blog posts by Email
Posted by Mary on August 10, 2009
Rae Celebrating Life
My friend Nancy sent me a photo and letter from her mother Rae who will be celebrating a birthday on Friday, August 14th; she will be 99 years young. Rae wrote a letter to friends and family in July and I’m including her thoughts on life and turning 99 years old. “If you’d like to send Rae a birthday wish I’ve included her address below.”
Dear Friends and Family,
It’s been quite some time since I’ve written so thought I’d drop a quick line to update you on the latest scoop!
I’m now living at Heritage Park, a senior living healthcare facility in Bradenton, FL. Although life is challenging withmy poor eyesight, they certainly keep me busy here withthe various activities that I attend throughout the day. On weekends, Sue and/or Nancy and I get a chance to visit and go out to lunch. My favorite place to go is Cracker Barrel for pecan pancakes with maple syrup and a side of bacon… perhaps not the healthiest thing to eat, but at 98 years old, who the heck cares?
With my 99th birthday coming up in August, I find myself reflecting on the events that occurred during my life.
When I was born,
- William Taft was President.
- Einstein developed his Theory of Relativity when I was 5.
- I was 10 when women received the right to vote.
- Lindbergh did the first trans-Atlantic flight when I was 17
- Television came on the scene when I was 18.
- Prohibition was going on between ages 8 through 23 (thank goodness that ended because I do appreciate a good martini)!
- I’ve outlived Mother Teresa (also born in 1910) by 12 years.
Well, that’s it for now, I would love to hear from you!
Love,
Rae Gaida
202 Sherwood Drive
Bradenton, FL 34210-4516
Rae lived and worked in Duluth, MN as a school teacher, an executive secretary and later managed the credit department of Harcourt Brace publishing company. She has two adult daughters Sue and Nancy and two grandchildren; Michael is in the Air Force and plans to be married to Shannon Kelly next June and granddaughter Trisha will be moving from Seattle to Minnesota to finish her degree in environmental sciences at Bemidji State University
Happy Birthday Rae!
Love,
Mary
Subscribe to blog posts by Email
Posted by Mary on July 21, 2009
Last Friday I drove to Wisconsin to spend time with my mentor and friend Lee, a Shamana. I was taking time for both personal healing and to continue to learn the way of the Shaman. Lee’s home is a beautiful sanctuary on a hill reminiscent of a retreat setting, the living room wall is all glass looking out over the hill at mature trees. The scent of burnt sage washed over me as I walked through the entryway into her living room. It’s quiet here and I’m surrounded by symbols of native ritual and ceremony, drums, rattles, essential oils, stones and artifacts. Her mesa positioned as altar, among the many artifacts gathered from her travels and truely a beautiful setting to work; Lee stands in beauty waiting to be led by spirit to the work to be done.
I left feeling “full” of life, gratitude and curiosity to do the work recommended for my healing and growth, part of my spiritual path so that I may share healing ceremony with others. On Saturday I had the opportunity to share my experience with my young nieces as we worked and spent time shopping, gathering the materials we would need for one of the ceremonies. Before we started I introduced my drum showing the girls how to hold the drum and beat it so they could feel the vibrations on their bodies, I did a smudging of sage and explained how they should set an intention before we started our work. We shared a peaceful day creating our Prayer Arrow and when we were done we closed with another smudging of sage and blessing.
Monday morning I woke up early and went downstairs, I was grateful to be able to spend time drumming while I focused on my new intention and completed prayer arrow.
For those that may not be familiar with shamanism a definition from Lee’s website www.Sacredway.net follows: Shamanism is a spiritual practice and a healing tradition estimated to be more than 40,000 years old. The shaman incorporates their healing knowledge and spirit into the modern world, restoring balance and harmony to ourselves, our communities and or planet as a whole. There are other more detailed definitions that focus on shamans as working through spirit using drumming as a method to journey and connect to the spirit world, I leave you to your own research but should you have questions please contact me.
Blessings,
Mary
Subscribe to blog posts by Email
Posted by Mary on June 15, 2009
One of the kindest things about losing a loved one is that we tend to remember only the most wonderful stories about that person, all else is unimportant and forgotten. As I think of my sister Susie and look at her pictures and memorabilia surrounding me I remember all the most funny and delightful experiences we shared as sisters. I’m glad May is over because when I handed over the keys to her apartment for the last time it felt like I was reopening a wound - the total finality left me physically and emotionally spent. A part of me looked forward to the ending, being finished with the work of packing and unpacking all her personal belongings I was tired of making decisions about what to do with every item from the impractical to the personal stuff that represented her life. When the time came to meet the management company representative for the final walk through I realized too late that I shouldn’t have come alone, I felt sad and disoriented for the rest of the day
Considering the work I need to do to create my personal healing plan I need to start with the basics like rest, relaxation, healthy food, laughter and tenderly managing grief. What I know for sure is that I WILL heal I just wish I could fast forward the process, but perhaps I’d miss the significant life lessons along the way. I know my journey is easier with the loving support of family and friends, faithful friends tell you they won’t abandon you while you walk the path of healing reclaiming your joy and laughter.
Today I received an email from a fellow healer and she passed on a couple of you tube videos and the one that caught my eye was the one titled the Wounded Healer. I share this with my audience in hopes that we can all embrace our life events with gratitude and feel a shared sense of Community.
The Wounded Healer
Mary
Subscribe to blog posts by Email
Posted by Mary on May 5, 2009
I wrote a small item awhile ago on my friend Sherry a Breast Cancer Survivor; although new at the business of “thriving” she is running joyously toward her new beginnings. I received her email blast last evening where she routed her wedding pictures to those of us who are fortunate to be in her circle of family and friends. I had received a voice message from her Sunday night telling me she was thinking of me and just hearing her voice was a tonic for my soul. In the mist of her celebration she remembered to share my grief, holding me in her heart as I work through the physical, legal and emotional business of closing out my sister’s affairs.
As I scrolled through the pictures of my friends wedding I was delighted to see the ecstatic Joy that my dear friend shows, especially the glow of love and appreciation for her children, her loving new husband Mike and for the friends and family surrounding her. The pictures are a reminder that the circle of life goes on and while we don’t always get a choice about what life throws in our path we do have a choice about our response to life events.
A Joyous Wedding
I look at the wedding pictures again and I see Gratitude with a touch of humiliy on the face of my dear friend Sherry, an appreciation for the opportunity to continue to embrace life and play with those she loves and holds dear. The process of healing our grief over the loss of my sister will take time for those of us who loved Faye Susanne. As my sisters and I work through the reality of closing out my sister Susie’s apartment and the very personal pieces of her life we are faced with a critical choice, “how will we embrace life without her? “
I hope we have the courage to embrace life with forgiveness and boundless Joy for what we have now just like my friend Sherry. There is a part of Sherry that reminds me of my sister Susie and it’s her unadulterated expectation to live life fully in love. My sister Susie lived from her Heart, smiling at life, looking for and expecting people to share her laughter and love of life surrounded by family and friends.
Congratulations Sherry and Mike!
Mary
Subscribe to blog posts by Email
Posted by Mary on April 25, 2009
My sister Faye’s funeral is over and as we’re picking up the pieces of our lives it almost feels like we’re sleep walking, hoping to wake up and know that this was all a dream and Susie is home from her vacation in Cancun. In the mist of our sorrow my sisters and I talk about how we just burst into tears when we remember she’s gone, it’s still a shock and the hole in our hearts a very raw wound.
As the big sister I’ve organized the work to be done like a project, creating a spreadsheet with all the information, action items and duties to be performed. I did the research on the legal financial responsibilities and spoke to the appropriate authorities as I determine the paperwork that needs to be filed to close out her affairs. We’ve visited her apartment, it’s hard to visit her home and be assaulted by all the memories but somehow I keep pushing us to move forward one step at a time.
I had a task on my to-do list to talk to my sister’s primary care physician about her heart attack and why everyone missed the signs – this took us all by surprise. I spoke to her doctor Thursday afternoon and he was saddened to hear of her sudden death. We reviewed and discussed her medical history, past vital signs and lab work but found no indication of an impending cardiovascular problem, and her blood pressure and cholesterol were consistently good. Faye worried a bit about her weight but she felt lucky that she didn’t have hypertension or any of the early signs that my brother and I have (we take after my father’s side of the family). I asked the doctor how we could have missed this, I know I should know better than to second guess what happened but I couldn’t help myself I just wished I could have my sister back.
My friend Mary is walking today for the American Heart Association, she said she will do this in memory of my sister Faye “Susie” Chapa. I’m including the website for the American Heart Association and the Women Heart organization websites because they have a lot of good information on Women and Heart Disease
http://www.womenheart.org/
http://www.americanheart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=2859
Coming from the healthcare industry we think we know everything but I now have my work cut out for me as I look at my own health risk. I’ll be visiting these websites often as I construct an action plan for myself so I don’t leave loved ones wondering “why or what if?”
Choosing Life,
Mary
Subscribe to blog posts by Email
Posted by Mary on April 2, 2009
I dropped my little dog off to be groomed today for the first time, some of you are aware that I took in a rescue poodle, a tiny toy male at 3.6 lbs. We’ve had him for a month now and it’s been a wonderful addition to our family, I’d forgotten the unconditional love you get from a small pet. It’s been a joy to have this lively little dog in our lives as we care for him, play with him and watch him make us laugh. We’ve also had the unexpected joy of running to the emergency Vet Clinic after hours and adding extra Dr. exams as we “remember” what it’s like to be responsible for a tiny little life but it’s worth it, the joy, the laughter and the sense of wonder at life’s blessings.
It helps me to remember life’s gifts in the mist of my own personal disappointments. As I listen to the news or hear personal stories from friends and family as they try to balance and make sense out of difficult situations, job loss, putting homes up for sale, spending down retirement funds and just trying to make ends meet I’m too embarrassed to acknowledge any personal defeats. Everyone else has burdens that somehow seem bigger than mine and I’m constantly reminded as someone tentatively asks for my help with some personal matter, how can I say “No?” At times like these I think about my Dad, I miss him on Sundays when my husband and I took him out for breakfast, he liked to go early before the fancy Sunday brunch crowd. My Dad loved to laugh, he was a WWII veteran, a POW for over 3 years and survived the Bataan Death March, when I think of the stories he shared over the years and the joy for life that he had it’s hard to feel sorry for myself. Dad was a “pick yourself up by your bootstraps” kind of guy; when he died last September we had lots of wonderful memories, he left a lot of friends and family behind. Dad always believed in Hope – that there was always something better just waiting for you around the corner and if you worked hard enough it would all pay off.
So for today Dad, I’m going to think about my small disappointment as a place holder, creating space for something more wonderful that’s just around the corner. What about you, are you looking at what space is opening up for you in your life and what that means? I got an email from a friend this morning that said due to the economy they are putting their home in Florida up for sale and moving back to Minnesota and my response was a resounding “HURRAH!” Well, Hurrah for me and my friends as we open our arms to welcome her back to our loving fold no matter what the reason.
Eternally Optimistic,
Mary
Subscribe to blog posts by Email
Posted by Mary on March 29, 2009
Another Sunday and it’s been a very full week with numerous life events including my sick dog, an interview, educational conference at Mayo, a car accident, a close friend carrying a heavy burden and a note from another dear friend that I am choosing to share. I met Sherry less than 5 months ago but somehow sharing our stories it seems like we’ve been friends for ages and that’s how it has been for me the past 2 years on this journey. I don’t want to digress but this is my message from Sherry as she celebrated her last day of radiation treatment last Friday:
“You’re being pinked on what is the last day of the radiation treatment for my breast cancer diagnosed on 11/5/08. In this long winter of my soul, each of you has been the medicine which contributes to my victory today. For your love, your willingness to be my cheerleaders, my listeners, my confidants and my hope, I thank you with a heart that overflows with gratitude. Most of all, so often, you carried this challenge for me when its weight threatened to buckle me. Because you were willing to reach within yourselves and care for a fellow life traveler, I emerge victorious today. I realize fully that the future requires my vigilance to maintain the health my treatments have yielded, but one of the primary lessons on this journey is to stay vigilant for my own well being. I hope that is a lesson for your lives, as well. In reality, all anyone ever has is the moment. Let’s live it fully!
I stand now with new direction and meaning for my life. I am determined, with the help of each of you and so many others who care about integrative medical care for our community, to bring a breast cancer center to the Chippewa Valley. We deserve no less than integrative care which honors our hearts, minds and spirits. Our job is to hold to the vision and to each other because it is in that sacred space that change happens. Together, we are a force of life that will make the way better for our fellow travelers.
Do your breast exams, listen to your inner voice and know that this disease cannot rob us of our dignity as we stand united in support of one another. Thank you for sharing the journey. With all my love, Sherry”
As I reflect on this week and think about my friends and family and hold them near I happened to notice an article by Michael J. Fox as he writes about his life with Parkinson’s disease and he states, “It’s the courage to look at something and say, however bad this is, it isn’t bad infinitely. You can make choices in a process like this and turn in the direction of the condition or disease and give it permission to take over” He is choosing to face in the direction of Life. Listening to the news on the state of the economy and the life problems that go on in the world and right here within my circle of friends and family, I want to be brave like my friend Sherry and always choose life, choose compassion, love and gratitude.
Wishing you a week of generosity,
Mary
Subscribe to blog posts by Email
