Posted by Mary on June 18, 2009
Healing Pup
I’ve been reading and working on “This Thing Called Grief – New Understandings of Loss” by Thomas M. Ellis, the book and the center he directs in St. Paul was recommended by my friend Leslye. As I let go of the daily work I was doing to close out my sister’s affairs I begin to rest, reflect and rebuild my life after loss. Being kind to myself and creating beauty around me meant doing some much needed gardening, adding plants, pulling weeds, replacing grass and admiring my gigantic hostas makes me smile. I won’t mislead you I’m not a real gardener but every little bit has been an improvement and I have found a profound sense of joy and peace as I stoop, bend and get my hands dirty bringing color and beauty to my yard.
In March we added a new member to our family and this little guy has provided a lot of love and comfort for us during the past several weeks. “Buttons” is a rescue poodle that I aquired from Picket Fence Poodles in Elk River, he had a history of being abandoned but we found he was a perfect fit for us and our family is now complete.
So my friends I share a couple of things that can add joy and peace during your healing journey, taking a step at a time I listen to music, admire art, read poetry and write in my journal and of course being with family and friends will help you mend.
Blessings,
Mary
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Posted by Mary on June 15, 2009
One of the kindest things about losing a loved one is that we tend to remember only the most wonderful stories about that person, all else is unimportant and forgotten. As I think of my sister Susie and look at her pictures and memorabilia surrounding me I remember all the most funny and delightful experiences we shared as sisters. I’m glad May is over because when I handed over the keys to her apartment for the last time it felt like I was reopening a wound - the total finality left me physically and emotionally spent. A part of me looked forward to the ending, being finished with the work of packing and unpacking all her personal belongings I was tired of making decisions about what to do with every item from the impractical to the personal stuff that represented her life. When the time came to meet the management company representative for the final walk through I realized too late that I shouldn’t have come alone, I felt sad and disoriented for the rest of the day
Considering the work I need to do to create my personal healing plan I need to start with the basics like rest, relaxation, healthy food, laughter and tenderly managing grief. What I know for sure is that I WILL heal I just wish I could fast forward the process, but perhaps I’d miss the significant life lessons along the way. I know my journey is easier with the loving support of family and friends, faithful friends tell you they won’t abandon you while you walk the path of healing reclaiming your joy and laughter.
Today I received an email from a fellow healer and she passed on a couple of you tube videos and the one that caught my eye was the one titled the Wounded Healer. I share this with my audience in hopes that we can all embrace our life events with gratitude and feel a shared sense of Community.
The Wounded Healer
Mary
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Posted by Mary on May 5, 2009
I wrote a small item awhile ago on my friend Sherry a Breast Cancer Survivor; although new at the business of “thriving” she is running joyously toward her new beginnings. I received her email blast last evening where she routed her wedding pictures to those of us who are fortunate to be in her circle of family and friends. I had received a voice message from her Sunday night telling me she was thinking of me and just hearing her voice was a tonic for my soul. In the mist of her celebration she remembered to share my grief, holding me in her heart as I work through the physical, legal and emotional business of closing out my sister’s affairs.
As I scrolled through the pictures of my friends wedding I was delighted to see the ecstatic Joy that my dear friend shows, especially the glow of love and appreciation for her children, her loving new husband Mike and for the friends and family surrounding her. The pictures are a reminder that the circle of life goes on and while we don’t always get a choice about what life throws in our path we do have a choice about our response to life events.
A Joyous Wedding
I look at the wedding pictures again and I see Gratitude with a touch of humiliy on the face of my dear friend Sherry, an appreciation for the opportunity to continue to embrace life and play with those she loves and holds dear. The process of healing our grief over the loss of my sister will take time for those of us who loved Faye Susanne. As my sisters and I work through the reality of closing out my sister Susie’s apartment and the very personal pieces of her life we are faced with a critical choice, “how will we embrace life without her? “
I hope we have the courage to embrace life with forgiveness and boundless Joy for what we have now just like my friend Sherry. There is a part of Sherry that reminds me of my sister Susie and it’s her unadulterated expectation to live life fully in love. My sister Susie lived from her Heart, smiling at life, looking for and expecting people to share her laughter and love of life surrounded by family and friends.
Congratulations Sherry and Mike!
Mary
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Posted by Mary on April 19, 2009
I’m creating notes about my sister Faye for her pastor as he prepares consoling words for her funeral service on Monday. Later today we will gather with family and friends for her visitation. I’ve started with just the facts, when and where she was born and a list of family members, where she went to school and her career. The hard part is I’m trying to describe who she was or at least how I remember her as I’m big sister.
I was reflecting on how we were so opposite in many ways, she had this big smile that made her approachable and it showed in the number of friends she attracted. She nurtured and protected relationships like they were gold and I remember teasing her because she said she made friends while riding the bus to work, she called them her bus buddies. Where my sister was more of an extrovert and a very social person I am more introverted and serious, always with my head in a book (or computer). It occurred to me today as I thought about our differences that while I lived in my head my sister lived from her Heart.
My mother would be so proud of Susie, she was such an example of good manners and etiquette. She still does all the things she was taught, she was never a rebellious teenager. When I go to her apartment I see her bed is made and everything is neat and orderly, color and memories fill her home with pictures of loved ones the ocean and sea shells everywhere. When we have family gatherings she’s the first to offer to bring a dish and after dinner she’s not sitting in the living room becaue she’s in the kitchen washing dishes for whoever made the meal. She still says please and never forgets to say thank you, she offers you gas money if you give her a ride and always pays her debts no matter how long it takes. She brought cards frequently to remember birthdays and special events and never forgets what’s special to you.
I’m not sure what I’ll do without my sister, I was always taking classes or learning something new and when I’d forget old stories or people I’d ask Susie, I told her once she was my memory. We’d laugh too because when she would answer any question about a past family story she would tell us what the weather was like and what we were wearing. I won’t won’t be able to ask her to remind me about our past anymore.
My sister lived from her Heart,
Mary
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