Posted by Mary on August 24, 2009
As I read the email from my dear friend in Canada I wish I was there in person to support her as I tell her we’ve all had experience with helping our parents through illness, transition and even endings. I tell her it doesn’t matter that we are nurses or that we have experience in healthcare or working with elders because this is about our “heart.” We are at that point in our lives where we are concerned about our parent’s health, their ability to recover from illness or the fact that they need different living arrangements. It doesn’t necessarily happen all at once, it may happen gradually and all of a sudden you worry about leaving them alone, question their driving ability, their medications and whether they are taking them correctly and what did the doctor really tell them on the last visit. We wonder if and when we should inject ourselves into their lives and wrestle with the desire to respect their freedom and concern for their safety as well as the safety of others.
I know everything will all work out as well as can be expected because I have every confidence in my friend’s heart skills as a daughter and certainly her intellect and experience no matter what the health care system or family throws at her. I was reflecting this week that in reality my Dad and my Mother had their own small home care & hospice agency, they had 4 daughters that lived nearby and we all had the same shared goal to take care of my parents at home as long as we were able. I think what helped my family and I came up with the following:
· We agreed on the goal or outcome to care for our parents at home for as long as possible
· We agreed on a leader; in my family I was the oldest and a nurse with background in elder care so I had that roll
· We were all willing to do our part, I used to think this was normal but I now realize it sadly is not.
Families don’t have to be perfect but you need some semblance of agreement and shared goals to care for parents and loved ones. I was lucky to have family, some of you are alone and that means leaning into elder care resources, you may not be able to do it all alone.
To my friend Joanne and to all of you caring for parents or loved ones I wish for you a good night’s rest, good nutrition, quiet time to pray or meditate, a little exercise and the ability to let go and allow others to step in or take care of you or take over. Sometimes it’s OK to let go of outcome and just know we’ve done our best.
I love you my friend, you are in my thoughts.
Mary
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Posted by Mary on July 27, 2009
Working in health care gave me a slight advantage when coordinating my Dad’s medical care last summer and as I roll out my first newsletter I’m focused on the main question, do you need occasional support with an aging parent or family member? Eliza One will provide occasional or routine support for you while you balance a busy schedule, Eliza One provides a trilogy of services:
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Private medical care coordination, nursing communication and documentation for physician office visits, medication assessment and determination of additional needs or services to maintain independence.
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Holistic healing using Reiki, Healing Touch, essential oils and additional complementary approaches to medicine as desired for relaxation.
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End of Life steward; contributing aid between hospice care and the funeral home; managing the communication, documentation and coordination of tasks that define the personal, financial or legal affairs of your loved one.
l listen to my friends share their stories of aging parents: juggling clinic appointments, follow up on personal needs or placement in senior living accommodations and the eventual transition through end of life. I marvel at how we do this while balancing our careers our businesses and meeting other family needs. I can help, if you know of anyone who needs a helping hand I’d be delighted to talk to them.
These past few months I’ve had an opportunity to crystallize my vision and purpose for Eliza One, Inc. As I launch my first newsletter I am grateful for the experiences and the gifts I have to offer to those who need a daughter for an hour or a day to help them through transition. I look forward to meeting new friends and sharing life experiences, stay in touch as I share more stories, tips and tidbits. 
In memory of my father David,
Mary
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Posted by Mary on July 9, 2009
I was reminded of a valuable community resource yesterday when I received an electronic newsletter from the Center for Spirituality and Healing announcing the latest updates and events. I attended one of their educational workshops last spring on Holistic Health &Healing at the Woodwinds Health Center in Woodbury and the week was a special treat for me. I encourage you to explore and sample their website at http://www.csh.umn.edu/, I find it to be rich with information for you as an individual or as a practitioner.
As a health and healing practitioner experienced in both traditional and complementary medicine I appreciate the breath and scope of our local resources. Minnesota is fortunate to be recognized for many of the community based resources we have in the area of Integrative Medicine and as I build a practice I am reminded to look for what’s available locally; there are too mnay to list but one more resource I like is located at http://www.becomingwell.org/index.html.
I recently did a search for energy healing videos that I could post on my site to help demonstrate a form of energy healing sessions and I found the following item, at least until I can film my own work. This one is available from the Healing Touch Program out of Colorado, I am still looking for a specific video I like using the reiki healing techniques.
Healing Touch Program: An Introduction to Healing Touch part 1of 2
Enjoy!
Mary
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Posted by Mary on June 30, 2009
Mom - An Independent Woman
One of my mother’s key values was the importance of “Choice,” her underlying principal was for women to be independent, strong and employed. “It’s important to work hard and get an education” she said, typical values growing up in Minnesota during the 1950’s and 60’s. I lived my life believing this until I became a Director several times over and learned that budget cuts are painful choices and that we let people go even though they had an education and worked hard. It’s been two years since I “chose” to leave my corporate job and reinvent myself, I’ve moved away from health care management and sales management in private industry back to healthcare but from a holistic health and wellness perspective.
I’ve made lots of choices, trying on different ideas based on a holistic perspective and building from my healing practice foundation. I’ve experimented the past two years thinking through what type of business I wanted to create until something became clear and the clarity came through personal discomfort. What are my strengths, what work is satisfying and can I evolve the business into an eventual retirement practice?
After my father died last fall I realized I used my nursing skills to manage his medical care over several years, I did the same when my mother died from cancer and subsequently other family members requested my support. When my sister died recently I organized the work that needed to be done with my remaining sisters, closing out all her final affairs. Having assisted with end of life activities for both parents and a younger sister I learned a lot through very different experiences and it became clear that being a daughter, sister and friend with a health and healing background could be helpful to others.
Some choices are obvious and other opportunities come to us unlooked for but life is an interesting journey and I have a myriad of choices. I consider myself a strong independent woman, I learned from my Mother.
Mary
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Posted by Mary on May 5, 2009
I wrote a small item awhile ago on my friend Sherry a Breast Cancer Survivor; although new at the business of “thriving” she is running joyously toward her new beginnings. I received her email blast last evening where she routed her wedding pictures to those of us who are fortunate to be in her circle of family and friends. I had received a voice message from her Sunday night telling me she was thinking of me and just hearing her voice was a tonic for my soul. In the mist of her celebration she remembered to share my grief, holding me in her heart as I work through the physical, legal and emotional business of closing out my sister’s affairs.
As I scrolled through the pictures of my friends wedding I was delighted to see the ecstatic Joy that my dear friend shows, especially the glow of love and appreciation for her children, her loving new husband Mike and for the friends and family surrounding her. The pictures are a reminder that the circle of life goes on and while we don’t always get a choice about what life throws in our path we do have a choice about our response to life events.
A Joyous Wedding
I look at the wedding pictures again and I see Gratitude with a touch of humiliy on the face of my dear friend Sherry, an appreciation for the opportunity to continue to embrace life and play with those she loves and holds dear. The process of healing our grief over the loss of my sister will take time for those of us who loved Faye Susanne. As my sisters and I work through the reality of closing out my sister Susie’s apartment and the very personal pieces of her life we are faced with a critical choice, “how will we embrace life without her? “
I hope we have the courage to embrace life with forgiveness and boundless Joy for what we have now just like my friend Sherry. There is a part of Sherry that reminds me of my sister Susie and it’s her unadulterated expectation to live life fully in love. My sister Susie lived from her Heart, smiling at life, looking for and expecting people to share her laughter and love of life surrounded by family and friends.
Congratulations Sherry and Mike!
Mary
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Posted by Mary on April 25, 2009
My sister Faye’s funeral is over and as we’re picking up the pieces of our lives it almost feels like we’re sleep walking, hoping to wake up and know that this was all a dream and Susie is home from her vacation in Cancun. In the mist of our sorrow my sisters and I talk about how we just burst into tears when we remember she’s gone, it’s still a shock and the hole in our hearts a very raw wound.
As the big sister I’ve organized the work to be done like a project, creating a spreadsheet with all the information, action items and duties to be performed. I did the research on the legal financial responsibilities and spoke to the appropriate authorities as I determine the paperwork that needs to be filed to close out her affairs. We’ve visited her apartment, it’s hard to visit her home and be assaulted by all the memories but somehow I keep pushing us to move forward one step at a time.
I had a task on my to-do list to talk to my sister’s primary care physician about her heart attack and why everyone missed the signs – this took us all by surprise. I spoke to her doctor Thursday afternoon and he was saddened to hear of her sudden death. We reviewed and discussed her medical history, past vital signs and lab work but found no indication of an impending cardiovascular problem, and her blood pressure and cholesterol were consistently good. Faye worried a bit about her weight but she felt lucky that she didn’t have hypertension or any of the early signs that my brother and I have (we take after my father’s side of the family). I asked the doctor how we could have missed this, I know I should know better than to second guess what happened but I couldn’t help myself I just wished I could have my sister back.
My friend Mary is walking today for the American Heart Association, she said she will do this in memory of my sister Faye “Susie” Chapa. I’m including the website for the American Heart Association and the Women Heart organization websites because they have a lot of good information on Women and Heart Disease
http://www.womenheart.org/
http://www.americanheart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=2859
Coming from the healthcare industry we think we know everything but I now have my work cut out for me as I look at my own health risk. I’ll be visiting these websites often as I construct an action plan for myself so I don’t leave loved ones wondering “why or what if?”
Choosing Life,
Mary
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Posted by Mary on April 18, 2009
In Our Hearts
I struggled to find the right words to write my sister’s obituary this week. Her body was shipped home from Cancun late Thursday night, she died of a heart attack while on vacation with my family. The past few days have been difficult as we communicated long distance through phone calls and text messaging, bless my 13 year old niece Simone for being our communication hub for all the family members. The frustration over distance, language and culture differences as we worked through getting everyone back to Minnesota was overwhelming. We are all here now, my brother finally arrived from New Mexico to join us in our grief.
My sister had a generous heart, a big smile and a playful spirit. She was proper about everything and we used to tease her about being so fussy but she left her special touch by making sure everything was neat, clean and orderly. Her home was decorated with flair, her unique fashion style (she loved the color RED), makeup and jewelry were her trademark. She loved regular coke and enjoyed a little chocolate too as noted by her full candy dish at home and work which she filled with good chocolate to share with anyone that passed by her desk or came to her home.
Faye who we called Susie was born and lived in St. Paul, she had worked in the banking industry for many years and loved her position at Wells Fargo as HR Liaison. She loved being in the middle of everything and like my parents made friends everywhere she went, she kept those relationships going for a lifetime as she loved people. Susie never married, she never had children and I always thought this was a shame because she had such a tremendous capacity for love that she shared with family and friends alike.
Susie loved to travel and her first big trip after she graduated was to Hawaii, she made a couple trips and told us how much she loved the ocean. The ocean and sea shells became a constant theme in her decor at home and work. The past few years she traved to Cancun with myself and my sister Lisa and she had shared with me last year that Cancun was now her favorite place surpassing her love of Hawaii. Perhaps that’s why she ignored the signs and syptoms that began a few days before she left on her trip or maybe she was afraid her doctor would tell her to stay for more tests. Irregardless she told me Monday night during our phone conversation that she had been short of breath just before she left for her trip but she thought is was due to a little weight gain. She said maybe it was anxiety due to the excitement of her vacation and when her friends pressured her to see her physician she thought she would be fine so she left for Mexico last Saturday but by Sunday morning and Monday she was in distress and many miles away from home. My younger sister Lisa said they saw a physician at the resort twice and the plan was for me to talk to her primary care physician here and to have a phone conference early Tuesday to determine next steps but unfortunately by the next morning it was too late.
Heart Attack symptoms are often missed by women because we do not always respond the same way men do when we are having a full blown attack. My sister did NOT have chest pain, she had anxiety, shortness of breath and eventually indigestion and nausea. Susie had anxiety attacks occasionally so perhaps we all made a deadly assumption about her symptoms. When we lose a loved one there is always guilt over what we wish we would have done differently and I’m thinking when we are past the funeral and grief I’d like to do something more to celebrate her life and make a difference for other women. I’m not sure what that means yet, it’s just too soon to think about it but I’ll think of something.
I miss my sister,
Mary
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Posted by Mary on March 29, 2009
Another Sunday and it’s been a very full week with numerous life events including my sick dog, an interview, educational conference at Mayo, a car accident, a close friend carrying a heavy burden and a note from another dear friend that I am choosing to share. I met Sherry less than 5 months ago but somehow sharing our stories it seems like we’ve been friends for ages and that’s how it has been for me the past 2 years on this journey. I don’t want to digress but this is my message from Sherry as she celebrated her last day of radiation treatment last Friday:
“You’re being pinked on what is the last day of the radiation treatment for my breast cancer diagnosed on 11/5/08. In this long winter of my soul, each of you has been the medicine which contributes to my victory today. For your love, your willingness to be my cheerleaders, my listeners, my confidants and my hope, I thank you with a heart that overflows with gratitude. Most of all, so often, you carried this challenge for me when its weight threatened to buckle me. Because you were willing to reach within yourselves and care for a fellow life traveler, I emerge victorious today. I realize fully that the future requires my vigilance to maintain the health my treatments have yielded, but one of the primary lessons on this journey is to stay vigilant for my own well being. I hope that is a lesson for your lives, as well. In reality, all anyone ever has is the moment. Let’s live it fully!
I stand now with new direction and meaning for my life. I am determined, with the help of each of you and so many others who care about integrative medical care for our community, to bring a breast cancer center to the Chippewa Valley. We deserve no less than integrative care which honors our hearts, minds and spirits. Our job is to hold to the vision and to each other because it is in that sacred space that change happens. Together, we are a force of life that will make the way better for our fellow travelers.
Do your breast exams, listen to your inner voice and know that this disease cannot rob us of our dignity as we stand united in support of one another. Thank you for sharing the journey. With all my love, Sherry”
As I reflect on this week and think about my friends and family and hold them near I happened to notice an article by Michael J. Fox as he writes about his life with Parkinson’s disease and he states, “It’s the courage to look at something and say, however bad this is, it isn’t bad infinitely. You can make choices in a process like this and turn in the direction of the condition or disease and give it permission to take over” He is choosing to face in the direction of Life. Listening to the news on the state of the economy and the life problems that go on in the world and right here within my circle of friends and family, I want to be brave like my friend Sherry and always choose life, choose compassion, love and gratitude.
Wishing you a week of generosity,
Mary
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