Posted by Mary on April 25, 2009
My sister Faye’s funeral is over and as we’re picking up the pieces of our lives it almost feels like we’re sleep walking, hoping to wake up and know that this was all a dream and Susie is home from her vacation in Cancun. In the mist of our sorrow my sisters and I talk about how we just burst into tears when we remember she’s gone, it’s still a shock and the hole in our hearts a very raw wound.
As the big sister I’ve organized the work to be done like a project, creating a spreadsheet with all the information, action items and duties to be performed. I did the research on the legal financial responsibilities and spoke to the appropriate authorities as I determine the paperwork that needs to be filed to close out her affairs. We’ve visited her apartment, it’s hard to visit her home and be assaulted by all the memories but somehow I keep pushing us to move forward one step at a time.
I had a task on my to-do list to talk to my sister’s primary care physician about her heart attack and why everyone missed the signs – this took us all by surprise. I spoke to her doctor Thursday afternoon and he was saddened to hear of her sudden death. We reviewed and discussed her medical history, past vital signs and lab work but found no indication of an impending cardiovascular problem, and her blood pressure and cholesterol were consistently good. Faye worried a bit about her weight but she felt lucky that she didn’t have hypertension or any of the early signs that my brother and I have (we take after my father’s side of the family). I asked the doctor how we could have missed this, I know I should know better than to second guess what happened but I couldn’t help myself I just wished I could have my sister back.
My friend Mary is walking today for the American Heart Association, she said she will do this in memory of my sister Faye “Susie” Chapa. I’m including the website for the American Heart Association and the Women Heart organization websites because they have a lot of good information on Women and Heart Disease
http://www.womenheart.org/
http://www.americanheart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=2859
Coming from the healthcare industry we think we know everything but I now have my work cut out for me as I look at my own health risk. I’ll be visiting these websites often as I construct an action plan for myself so I don’t leave loved ones wondering “why or what if?”
Choosing Life,
Mary
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Posted by Mary on April 18, 2009
In Our Hearts
I struggled to find the right words to write my sister’s obituary this week. Her body was shipped home from Cancun late Thursday night, she died of a heart attack while on vacation with my family. The past few days have been difficult as we communicated long distance through phone calls and text messaging, bless my 13 year old niece Simone for being our communication hub for all the family members. The frustration over distance, language and culture differences as we worked through getting everyone back to Minnesota was overwhelming. We are all here now, my brother finally arrived from New Mexico to join us in our grief.
My sister had a generous heart, a big smile and a playful spirit. She was proper about everything and we used to tease her about being so fussy but she left her special touch by making sure everything was neat, clean and orderly. Her home was decorated with flair, her unique fashion style (she loved the color RED), makeup and jewelry were her trademark. She loved regular coke and enjoyed a little chocolate too as noted by her full candy dish at home and work which she filled with good chocolate to share with anyone that passed by her desk or came to her home.
Faye who we called Susie was born and lived in St. Paul, she had worked in the banking industry for many years and loved her position at Wells Fargo as HR Liaison. She loved being in the middle of everything and like my parents made friends everywhere she went, she kept those relationships going for a lifetime as she loved people. Susie never married, she never had children and I always thought this was a shame because she had such a tremendous capacity for love that she shared with family and friends alike.
Susie loved to travel and her first big trip after she graduated was to Hawaii, she made a couple trips and told us how much she loved the ocean. The ocean and sea shells became a constant theme in her decor at home and work. The past few years she traved to Cancun with myself and my sister Lisa and she had shared with me last year that Cancun was now her favorite place surpassing her love of Hawaii. Perhaps that’s why she ignored the signs and syptoms that began a few days before she left on her trip or maybe she was afraid her doctor would tell her to stay for more tests. Irregardless she told me Monday night during our phone conversation that she had been short of breath just before she left for her trip but she thought is was due to a little weight gain. She said maybe it was anxiety due to the excitement of her vacation and when her friends pressured her to see her physician she thought she would be fine so she left for Mexico last Saturday but by Sunday morning and Monday she was in distress and many miles away from home. My younger sister Lisa said they saw a physician at the resort twice and the plan was for me to talk to her primary care physician here and to have a phone conference early Tuesday to determine next steps but unfortunately by the next morning it was too late.
Heart Attack symptoms are often missed by women because we do not always respond the same way men do when we are having a full blown attack. My sister did NOT have chest pain, she had anxiety, shortness of breath and eventually indigestion and nausea. Susie had anxiety attacks occasionally so perhaps we all made a deadly assumption about her symptoms. When we lose a loved one there is always guilt over what we wish we would have done differently and I’m thinking when we are past the funeral and grief I’d like to do something more to celebrate her life and make a difference for other women. I’m not sure what that means yet, it’s just too soon to think about it but I’ll think of something.
I miss my sister,
Mary
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